Just Kinda Hippy Fabulous

As we were deciding on our order, the waitress popped in, "We try to have local ingredients whenever possible and we are all about natural and whole foods here." 

 

I looked up at her and said, "I like this place.  It's definitely fits my hippy ways.  Now, if we could just get this one to eat some weird cheese!" 

 

"We don't go to Walmart for produce that's for sure," she replied with a laugh. 

 

"Ugh, I hate Walmart.  It makes me feel crazy inside," added in Danae.  The same one who didn't want to try cheese with blue or rind. 

 

To which the waitress replied, "I hate capitalism." 

 

And then I added in, "Oh so you're like a real hippy.  You see I still like Target and I believe in hair products and I buy cheap jewelry which was made in other countries. 

 

"Yeah, she's more like hippy fabulous while you are the real deal," quipped my friend with her quick wit. 

 

Ummm...yes, I believe in capitalism I guess.  Because I shop at Target and I fully embrace using mascara and use my fair share of hairspray in this wild hair.  But I do like to grow food in the dirt and I do pay attention to where the food we can't grow comes from.  So, I'll go with being kinda in the mode of hippy fabulous.  Hippy with a side of glitter maybe. 

 

There's how the lunch began and it kept rolling in that exact same manner.  The this is real life manner.  The clinking of the ice cubes in our tea and the feel of the smooth leather chairs in the dim contrasted the bright outside bustling of downtown while my friend and I sat across from each other hashing out some business.  The business of having your friend tell you the stuff you need to hear which might not always be the easiest to digest.  The stuff which can lead to a tear or two falling down. 

 

Sometimes you need your friends to make that tear fall.  To push you into a direction you know in your heart you should take but don't have the courage to take yet.  The sharing of my story.  I forget I've done some major life changing in the past couple of years.  Okay, wait.  Let me be honest.  Like you were my friend sitting across from me while we sipped unsweetened ice tea.  It's not that I forget where I was; it's more of a not wanting to believe or admit I was ever there.  I'm working on embracing that I am more than half less of what I used to be.  I'm working on sharing more about how I did it on my own.   

 

I'm working on accepting it might be inspiring to others.  Because really, I'd rather probably just pretend it never happened.  Like I never was only able to run one/tenth of a mile.  Like I never was unhealthy in not just my physical self, but also my head's well being.  Pretend like I was always the way I am now.   

But then I think about how hard I worked for this.  How it took strength and will power and pain because love a freaking duck it wasn't easy.  Not one bit.  But the whole time I knew I was in it.  I knew it was never give up time.  So I kept at it.  Learning about eating real food and forcing myself to take one more running step after one more running step.  And I think about how during that time, it was something I internalized and put my nose to the grindstone and just did.  No programs.  No gimmicks.  No quick fixes.       

Hard work.  It was hard work.  And really, it's not over.  It never will be.  Being healthy is an every single day choice we all make.  Moving our bodies is another every single day choice.  But I'm now almost to the point I would say it's my natural way of living. 

 

Which is why my friend Danae sat across from me and pushed.  Pushed me to share about how I lost an entire person's worth of weight while gaining my life back.  Pushed me to not pretend to forget or to feel shame about where I was, but rather embrace the inspiration of being here.  In the now. 

 

And what I'll say is this.  Losing weight didn't simply change my body.  It changed my way of thinking and my way of looking at the world.  It made me more apt to notice the small and the goodness in the very tiniest of moments.  It changed my entire life.  So maybe I'll talk more about it.  Maybe.  I'm about two finger types away from erasing this entire thing.  The "forgetting" part of me wants to.  Because I know we all have stories to share and we all work hard and we all have had some wins along the way, so I'm not all about shouting from the rooftop, "I did this!"   

 

What I am about though?  Is noticing that when I walked intersected the spot where an alley met street after that lunch, my skirt flew up and around in the best of ways.  The ways of feeling alive and happy and embracing the two minutes of standing there on the not so clean sidewalk with the fresh air blowing to capture the feeling.  The feeling of living.   

 

Danae turned around and saw me standing in the middle of an alley, with my camera pointed down, and laughter coming from my mouth while saying, "Look!  The wind catches this just right!"  She replied with, "See?!  This is why you need to just do it.  Write the dang book already."    

 

I'll start with this one small step of sharing.  See if it sits right.  

 

And I'll thank my friend for taking the leap to enjoy really good cheese with me while at the same time pushing me into a leap of my own.  Pushing me to the edge enough to know it's time. 

 

Time to embrace where I was and where it has taken me the same way I embrace the wind from an alley making my skirt flitter around.  Which means it might not make a lick of sense to anyone else.  Which means I must finish this before I let my now one type away from erasing fingers do just that.