One Friday evening while sitting in a brown leather chair with a dog earred and highlighted book on my lap, this was on my mind and then it came out of my mouth. "I need to say something. I think I was mean to you in high school."
"You were."
"I hate that I was. I'm so very sorry."
"It's okay. I forgive you and it means a lot you addressed it."
"I don't even know why I was, it's like I was just joining in and I can't believe I didn't have a stronger backbone back then. To know how to treat people...and to..."
"It's really okay. You and I are good."
And with that five minute conversation which included meaningful eye contact, Amanda and I were good. It's like our grown up selves did our high school selves proud. Although I am fairly certain Amanda could have been proud of her behavior in high school as well. At least I hope she was because she should have been.
A few years ago, a book club started. Ladies were thrown into a mix; we all knew each other, some were already friends, and even a few were second cousins because that's how it is around here. But we didn't really know each other, not in the ways we do now. The ways which come after having discussed life in depth. The embarrassing parts and the funny parts and the hard parts and the win parts and the loss parts. Babies have been born, men have been dated, husbands have been annoying and supporting at the same time, jobs have changed, houses were lost and built again, and curve balls have been caught. We have grown together and have this treasured gift of each other.
Yes, a few years ago, a book club started and I knew I needed to deal with some of my past ugly behavior. I don't remember all the specifics, but I do know it happened at one of our first gatherings. Randomly I blurted out, "I think I was mean to you in high school." Sometimes the perfect timing thing goes out the window and you just throw what's in your heart out there. To hopefully have it be caught. Amanda caught it with the same grace and open-mindedness she carries with her always. And we've never looked back. It's a beautiful thing really; to be adults and friends and let go of the past.
Amanda and her husband welcomed their third little into the world just over a week ago. At our last month's book club meeting, Amanda and I were sitting next to each other with some amazing french press coffee between us. I quietly told her, "Let me know your room number after you have the baby, because I love to come to the hospital and smush those fresh babies and take pictures while they are still red and splotchy and new."
She did let me know. And on a Sunday afternoon, I went to the hospital to spend some time visiting with Amanda while she did her momma thing. Then we placed that sweet baby boy on the bed and took pictures of his ears and toes and face and freshness.
When I walked out of the hospital later to have the sun hit my face while my heart felt full, I couldn't help but think how life
does offer forgiveness and people
do change.
As long as we aren't afraid to say what needs to be said, to take responsibility for our actions. As long as there are amazing people willing to catch what we say will wide open arms.
