Not Hollow on All Hollow's Eve

Last week was shadowed.  Outside our windows was a gray sky and cold damp weather; inside our hearts and minds were also shocked gray and dark.  It's still unbelievable.  And I'm only on the peripheral fringe of the intense inner circle his family is in.  I can not imagine.  Every few seconds it stops me in my tracks and I say some prayers.  Prayers of please help them find a way.  

It also has brought up this intense feeling to gut check my life which I think is a natural consequence of a tragic event.  When someone young passes, it reminds us all of the ever fragility of our lives and it leaves us wondering what we still have left to do and makes us ponder our regrets in the past and pushes us to strive harder for our hopes for the future.  

Halloween happened and I was blessed with stop ins from my friends and family,  I felt it deeper this year.  Their happy little faces paired with their sibling love for each other alongside their parents pride and over the moon-ness, all beyond sweet.  I drank it in. 

And I made each of those kids who belong to my forever friends sit or stand in my favorite flower chair because you know what, these are the moments.  The moments which are fleeting and precious. 

Those kids, the ones who are the replica shadows of my friends, are worth more than gold to me.  And I'm thankful for each squeeze. 

When my brother and sister-in-law showed up with their brood, chaos of the good stuff of life ensued.  Love a duck, this is my life.  How did I get so lucky?   

 

Punky the skunk couldn't get enough of digging in the candy while the three bigs could not get their fill of passing out candy to the crowds of trick-o-treaters.  They squealed in delight. 

 

Chaos is the perfect description.  Precious chaos.  I kept telling my brother, "Don't you remember how it felt to grow up on a farm?  To want to do things like hand out Halloween candy?"  He kept telling me, "No, no I don't."  I guess we didn't feel the same things about Halloween.  Needless to say though, their Auntie Amy loved every second of watching them run from the dining room to the front door to pass out the treats.  Not a shy stitch in their quilts that's for sure.

 

I felt Halloween deeper this year, kept looking around my house at the sight of running barefeet and piles of jackets and grinning chubby cheeked littles while hearing the sounds of giggles and squeals of pure bliss from those small beings.  I enjoyed visiting with my friends, that pesky older brother of mine, and my sweet sister-in-law while watching them all love their families right. 

I drank it in.