In It

As I sat there in that hard vinyl hospital chair, my legs crossed propped up on the end of the bed, dangling a flowered wedge sandal from one foot, holding an hours old baby all wrapped up and tucked warmly in my one arm while my other arm was waving and swinging all around adding to my latest rendition of story, I had one of those catch your breath moments.

The ah-ha of so this is life.   

Friends I went through the awkward hairstyles of middle school and the learning lessons of high school and the spreading wings in college with...became parents...for the third time.  

Wasn't it just yesterday that Danae and I were smearing mud masks on our faces and wearing Z-Cavaricci jeans?  Now she is a mom and has that self-less love we could once only talk about.  Seeing her in all her mama glory is surreal.  One of those moments our thirteen year old selves could only imagine and dream about.    

Wasn't it just yesterday that Blake and I were sitting in the living room waiting for Danae to get ready, talking about the latest college ridiculousness?  Now he sits and listens to me tell my latest dating stories and offers in some very welcomed "man perspective."  Which I appreciate.  And need.  Because I sure can get riled up.   

All of this running through my head while I held their newest baby girl.  Knowing that deep down, I am meant to be a part of her existence.  

To be another person in her life who loves her and is silly with her and guides her and accepts her and teaches her and mostly just someone who loves her.

So just like the swish of the magic cape being pulled to reveal the rabbit, our lives have indeed started.  Really started.  The parts where we are truly in charge of our destinies, and in their case, the well being of their children as well.  We have become the decision makers, the bill payers, the schedulers, and the ones who get to decide when to forget all that and throw the plan out the window to instead simply do something off the beaten path and laugh.  

This is life.  I'm in it.  The real part.  And I always keep thinking and wondering, am I doing everything possible and experiencing what I should and letting what is supposed to happen...happen?  Am I having the breath taken out of me or I am merely passing through?  

I guess I can't be sure, but I do know that last night when looking into that little smushed face and feeling true excitement for friends I love like family, I think the magic cape was doing it's thing.  I was where I was supposed to be.