Sunday

Today was a good Sunday. 

I ran four miles early and it felt right for the first time in a long while.  I sat in the sun, let it make me sweat even more, and read from my book club book.  I smelled fresh from the dryer laundry.  I made a loop to visit out in the country with some of my favorite people.  I watched my niece mow the yard.  I wrestle hugged my two nephews because they are way too cool for real hugging, but they will wrestle hug me and laugh the best giggles.  I sat with my sister-in-law on their porch and visited while the little wild one went up and down the slide.  I saw yellow leaves, a sign my favorite is just around the corner.  I found a ladder that will work perfect for a quilt rack I've been envisioning in my brother's shop and then power washed it off in my dad's shop and now it is drying in my garage.  I ate so many I lost count pieces of fresh from the oven Momma Debi bread with spun honey, bread I convinced her to make just for me.  I captured one of the best big old trees against the prettiest sky and ditch grass blowing in the breeze.  I watched my sister get on her two year old, not yet broke, horse for the very first time; I love witnessing brave.  I saw a night light with a princess reflection on the ceiling, followed by shrieks of delight from Emma Jean.  I laughed with Danae and Blake because that's just what you do with Danae and Blake. 

And on the way home, I pulled the car over for this. 

Well actually, I had to drive for a ways to find a spot on the highway I could turn around and then drive more to find a spot I could actually pull off of to get this taken care of as it demanded attention.  Made it just in time. 

Just in time before the sun slipped behind the coulee.  Of all the things to regret, a sunset is never one.  

A good Sunday.  Bring on Monday.    

It's a Somewhat of a Fortunate Fault

Felix culpa.  

Latin for "fortunate fault."  

Finding the good.  

Felix culpa and I like it.  

I'm not even sure where to or how to what to say seeings as how there's been a void of written words since before I ran 13.1 miles with my sister-in-law and ate zebra cake on Mother's Day.  Well, there's been words.  A great many words.  Just not the kind which are easily wrapped up and placed on a page.  

I've read more than once from several different spots this summer about how a person cannot actually process nor intelligently discuss all that is going on while it's happening.  But rather, the brain wrapping has to get a high five after it happened.  The places I read this nugget made it much more fancy schmancy but that's the jest of it.  One has to be through the woods before one can remember why they were in the woods in the first place.  Or something like that.  

A slight sidetrack note here.  It's the oddest thing to me that when you need to see or hear words, you do.  My summer reading has included everything from Bossypants by Tina Fey to The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion to A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess to more...and yet?  Yet the words find you.  The Felix Culpa?  Came from a book.  The notion of not being able to substantially process until after?  Came from a book.  It's amazing, books and their power.  

Sidetrack another note here.  I had a professor during grad school who once answered a question with, "I don't know enough about that to speak intelligently."  That has always stuck with me as a class act way of saying how in the hell do I know?  Remain quiet until you do know.  Good plan Dr. Walking Stick.  I'm not kidding, he had a walking stick. 

Back on topic in three, two, and one...I mean here, I'll just say this for now.  

It's been a summer.  A summer with a capital A.   

And when I say that, I mean it.  

My life today looks pretty much not a whole smidgen anything like it used to, other than I still read a lot, take a lot of pictures, run a lot around my house, run a lot around my town, run a lot around my head, and like pretty.  See?  I can't wrap this up and put it down intelligently...probably should have remained silent but lucky for you, it's ramble time.  There's so much to explain from my career head to my feeling heart but for now I'll say this.

I'm single.  It was a process that took awhile and it's for the best.  The very best for both and that's all I say about that as it's not just my story.     

And in April, I quit my job.  On a Thursday morning I walked into my principal - whom I love dearly - and had a heart to heart and when I walked out, it was official.  

I didn't have a plan.  

I didn't have a back up.

I did, however, have a feeling.  A gut feeling it was time to find some new.  To push myself to grow and change and grab the wheel of my life by the horns.  I think I mixed two metaphors there but I kind of like it, therefore it's staying.   

Quit and then a whole other pile of change occurred...you know, the unraveling and becoming alone. 

Now fast forward to dang near the middle of August and here I sit.  In a hotel room with a new job.  A job which requires travel.  A job still in education.  A job which involves the meeting of different people pretty much every single day.  A job which has me to drive into a town, find the school, walk up the stairs - schools most certainly always have some form of stairs you walk up or maybe that's just the last couple I've been at but still - and face a room full of strangers.  Yep.  That's it in a nutshell.  And so far, I freaking love it.  

Quitting.  Quitting is a necessary evil sometimes.  It's a fortunate fault.  A Felix Culpa.  

Now let's see if I can start to figure out a way to back the track up some and do some woods talking about the woods walking.  We shall see if it comes.  If not, please know that the zebra cake did indeed turn out and the table was indeed pretty and my sister-in-law and I did indeed run that half marathon. 

One last sidetrack, I think I like the backside of having it together better.  The unflattering inappropriate joking and the a piece fell off the cake.  The backside of having it together is a win.  

 

Zebra!

When someone named me has to run 13.1 miles on Saturday, I do odd things because I feel anxious.  Like instead of stretching and drinking water and packing running pants, I make cakes for Mother's Day.  Cakes to look like zebras to show we are wild about moms because it's super necessary to always have a theme.  

Let me back up a bit.  

I am running a half marathon on Saturday again which makes me say uffda why?    

There's a party here on Sunday and party we will.  I'll be in a town five hours away until right before so last night, I laid out tablecloths and plates and napkins and candy in jars and sprinkles for ice cream sundaes and ran to Home Depot for succulents and made zebra cakes to freeze. 

I welcomed the tasks at hand because when someone named me has to run 13.1 miles on Saturday, I do odd things because I feel anxious. 

Here's the best part about Saturday...my sister-in-law is running the half too.  We did the nine and ten mile long runs together out at the farm and it was fun.  I say fun loosely here because I'm not sure running ten miles on a freshly bladed gravel road is ever in the fun category - loose gravel!  I think I'll change the word to special instead.  Special to have Momma Debi find us on mile six for water with the kids in tow cheering, "Yay!"  Special to have Firecracker finish the last two miles or so with us on her bike.  Special to do something big with my sister-in-law.  

We did the ten miles on the night before her birthday and we were still standing when it was over.  Loose gravel and all.  On Saturday, she'll be way ahead of me and I'll keep looking for her and to her for inspiration.  

And then on Sunday, I'll serve her a piece of zebra cake because she's right up there with one of the best mommas ever.  

Morning Always Wins, Always

Light streaming in on soft blankets.  Running right away while the air is fresh.  Coffee shared outside visiting with family.  Fresh lemons squeezed in unsweetened tea.  Momma D. baking bread, just asking for melted butter and honey.  Buds and blooms and green grass with sun spots all around.  

Morning always wins. 





Last Saturday This Saturday

Last Saturday morning, I sat with a pink tutu wearing little on my lap with my silver coffee mug in my hand and had a perma-grin splattered across my face.  There's no other word for it than splattered because that's exactly what it was as I watched my two nephews playing basketball on Saturday morning.  Pure happiness.  

How can it not be when you are watching the hilarity of a five year old and a newly minted four year old who really shouldn't have been playing yet but stepped in for a missing player do their thing with the basketball.  Running as fast as they could up and down the court, jumping with their little hands splayed open, and feverishly working to steal that ball.  

Pure cuteness inducing pure happiness.  

Made sweeter by the fact the entire team is made up of littles I care about deeply and is coached by my sister-in-law.  

The pink tutu wearing Punky ended up spilling my coffee twice but hey that's small beans.  Then we all rallied and headed to Firecracker's basketball game which was slated next on the Saturday agenda.  Again with the perma-grin splattering on my face.  It was so sweet, watching that sweet red faced girl working hard to do her thing and then turning to find all of our faces when she scored.  

It was a Saturday morning of dreams.  My entire family all taking part in happiness and then instantly reminiscing the goodness over a lunch shared.  

And then we had a birthday party for Little Man and Sister Pister complete with the sunshine.  Finally the sunshine!

 

 

The sunshine continued to Sunday morning for my drive to the farm to run the seven miles on the gravel roads instead of the pavement.  Sometimes I crave the squishy roads which hold stories of my entire life while running those long miles.  There's something cathartic about clipping along where so many memories have been made.  I think of them as I go and it makes everything right.  My feet, that road, and this sky.  I'm beyond grateful for the outside air, more so this spring than ever before. 

Just as I'm beyond grateful for being a part of my family.  Including Punky running towards me as I ran into the farm yard, hopping up and down exclaiming, "Oh Amy!  You're home!"  

Good stuff last weekend as I head off to add good stuff to this weekend.