Seeing Pretty

Before I went to Montana the end of September, there was a conversation that went something like this.  I don't care at all what we do, I just want to be able to see pretty and take pictures of pretty.  I haven't had a chance to do that in a long while and I'm ready to do some noticing of all things - small and large and everything in between. 

No worries on that wish.  I was more than soul filled with beautiful and was able to do the things I love to do.  Like stand in the rain while a waterfall crashes next to me and lay down in the middle of a highway in Yellowstone.  Yep, like that.  Although, really, it was the first time I've ever stood next to a waterfall in the pouring rain.  I just imagine that it was added to the list of things I do before I even knew it.  As for lying in the middle of the road?  This was not my first time on that one.     

One of the Days

Yesterday, I sat in a brown leather chair, a blue paid wool blanket wrapped around my legs, a hot cup of tea sat on the side table next to me, the mountains looked at me from the window, the first snow of this winter scattered on the ground in all its white fluffy grandiose, and he was working in the next room.  

It's winter.  

The changing of the season and for the first time in a very long time, I don't have the chest squeezing anxiety about the long and dark of it all.  Maybe it's because this fall was the fall of all falls.  Maybe it's because of where I am personally and professionally.  Maybe it's because I had my first taste of snow this year in the mountains and that tainted my reality of the bitter North Dakota cold.  Maybe it's because there's so many exciting adventures coming up.  Maybe it's just because when life is good, it doesn't matter what season it is.  Winter, spring, summer, or fall.  Good is good.  

Fall will always be my favorite and like I said, this one gave me so many chapters in my book which will forever remain written, if not on actual pages, in my heart.  

Driving to a campsite at night and hearing the rushing water when I fell asleep, knowing the spot had been carefully selected.  Waking up the next morning and literally becoming nearly unglued from the view.  Drinking coffee on a rock by that river.  Eating a breakfast while sitting across from the person who cooked.  Hiking up and up and up and up until we came upon a lake that made me become even more unglued.  Eating almonds by that lake.  Talking about the important things.  Laughing at the non-important things.  Squeeze hugging all yellow leaved trees.  Jumping for the unicorns that must live within those rocks.  Realizing even more that being outside, with my face in the fresh air, will always get me and having someone who shares in that sentiment is a bonus.    

It was a Saturday in September.  

Just one of the days in the fall of all falls.   

Quirking it Up

I tend to prefer things to be rather neat and tidy as evidenced by my shiny floors.  However, I don't ever fold kitchen towels and dishrags.  Ever.  It's silly to me.  A waste of time really.  I just jam those babies in the drawer and pull one out when I need a fresh one.  I figure it doesn't really matter if a dishrag is wrinkly so yep, I don't fold them.  All this to say, I guess nothing is ever cut and dry.  A neat freak kind of gal who doesn't believe in having a drawer full of nicely folded linens in their kitchen.  A neat freak who would never imagine doing that same thing in bathroom - there the towels have to be folded.  Makes sense right?  Nothing makes sense and yet, everything makes sense.

And that might be my favorite part of this world.

Quirks.

Quirks like when it's National Coffee Day I will make us cheers our cups together while driving in the rain and try to capture the moment but totally miss the cups.  Like when it's fall and I will want to take a picture of every yellow tree there is, especially when water reflections and white bark are a part of the equation because at that point, it's pretty much game over to pull the car over.  Every single time.  Quirks like when I hand my camera to a stranger to have them take a picture and then proceed to boss them around - yeah that is a quirk I'm working on.  Nobody likes a bossy stranger, pointing the finger at me.  

And finally, quirks like singing in the car to girl songs (i.e. artists I can not mention here because they are too embarrassing) real loud followed shortly by a Mumford and Sons number to take it to the finale of anything Sister Hazel.   

Waiting Graciously

Taylor Swift's 1989 album is currently jamming through my house as I sit here in this flower chair in the middle of my living room.  I said jamming, I'm that cool.  I'm also so cool that I'm willing to admit I'm a big fan of T. Swift.  She did it again with this one I tell you.  It's not country and it makes me think I'm invincible and can write words right now that will make you give a double clap and a foot stomp and can run an extra seven minutes on the treadmill at the gym in the morning.  Isn't that what fantastic music is supposed to do?  Create inspiration.  Makers going to make, make, make...or shake, shake, shake.  Whichever.

I don't know what I want to say but my fingernails are painted and I have a cup of hot water next to me and my one leg is crossed over the other and there are dangly earrings hitting my neck and I feel that even though life is absolutely a wild/unpredictable ride right now, I'm happy.  Love a duck, I'm happy.  

My mom and I just had a chat on the phone.  Yes, I talk to Momma D. frequently.  She's a smart lady after all.  We talked about many things - small things and big things.  Mostly we just talked about whatever which happens to be my favorite kind of talk.  It came up at one point about my tendencies to always want to know every detail.   

For many years, my life has been rather routine.  High school - college - teach a classroom - work in the school - they are all structured - and now?  Now my life is not in the least bit routine.  Each and every single day is different.  This town, that town, this meeting, those people, this road...it's a continuous ball of change.  Which causes me to throw my hands up and yell a little, "I love this!" to the sky and at the same time, causes me to go into mild anxious fits of curling in a ball and whisper a little, "Well what's next?!"  

It's pushing me to grow and adapt yet again, which I'm ever so thankful for because I want to always be striving to be different than I was before.  To be learning and grooving and jamming to T. Swift's new album.

Momma Debi gave me some of the very best advice a few weeks ago when I was having an anxious fit.  She is my mom after all so it's like she knew one day that I happened to be home, she knew I needed a little grounding and a little something from her.  So, she drove in without a real reason.  She drove in and showed up at my door all like let's visit.  I didn't tell her it was a day of curling in a ball but she came.  I kid you not, sometimes moms are really something.  

"Amy, we can all have patience.  But real patience means not just waiting, but waiting graciously."  

Yes.  I will wait graciously.  

It's a mantra I have on repeat.  

Along with the song Wildest Dreams - Taylor nailed that one. 

These pictures are from a drive on the Beartooth Pass in Red Lodge while the fog rolled in, followed shortly by hail, and him proving his steady being yet again as he navigated us and his sense of adventure as he pulled over to let me capture, "This is actually where the unicorns live, I just know it!" 

We ran.  Ran through the rain to the edge of the lookout point, laughing and carrying on until the thunder hit and we both had the look of we need to get the hell out of here before we are struck down by lightning.  The drive down from that top lookout point held feelings I hope I never forget. 

ALIVE.  

Happy.

Content in the not knowing what's coming around the next foggy bend but being ready to tackle it when it does.   

Looking over and thinking yes, this guy is kinda good.  The kinda there being a big word.

Yes I Am that Girl

I've had more rainbows show up in my life in the past month or so than ever before and I think it's no coincidence.  You know me, I believe in those sorts of things. 

 

Life has been full of these kind of moments...the ones that make me tear up from good or make me laugh out loud or make me give myself an oh hell yes. 

 

I'm not sure I really understood the gravity of the choices I was making starting last February.  I just knew they had to be made.  There was something strong, real strong, pushing me to throw my entire life into the air to have it come back down.  To come back down differently in all areas.  I knew it needed changing. 

 

I also knew those choices made were going to create months of feeling uncertainty and feeling change and feeling like oh crap I want to be on the other side. 

 

 

And I kept telling myself, I just want it to be next fall.  It will all make sense next fall. 

 

Now here I am and it's fall. 

 

It makes more sense than ever. 

 

 

I love my new job and am finding my groove in it - even quoting unicorns while presenting about data.  If that's not a groove I don't know what is.  An administrator walked up to me the other day at the state principal conference and said, "Are you the unicorn and glitter girl who can help me with my teachers and data?  I've been hearing you can shake things up a bit." 

 

Why yes.  Yes, I am the unicorn and glitter girl.

 

 

I also have had the best time getting to know this guy.  The guy who gave me a glimpse years ago of something that could have been and who now is my reality.  The guy who makes me literally spit water across the table in Jackson, Wyoming with his humor.  The guy who drove me there from Red Lodge because he knew - he knew I would come unglued over the view. 

 

When the clouds and rain lifted and a rainbow showed up right as we were pulling into town, you better believe I jumped out of the pickup and ran.  Ran with droplets of rain falling on my face.   

 

 

Ran to where I could capture it without a fence between it and me.  Ran to where it started.  Ran to that rainbow as fast as I could, knowing it was there as yet another sign of the choices made being right. 

 

 

When I turned back around and started walking, he was sitting there looking at me with a quiet smile across his face.  When I climbed back in, I didn't even have to say anything. 

 

It was an oh hell yes.

 

 

Then he made me spit water across the table in a restaurant in town and I tried oysters for the first time - straight up with no lemon and liked them.