Soup and Beer and Dates and Skirts

Here is where I give you some serious advice.    

Do not pack your lunch on a Thursday evening and then end up getting soup with your friend on Friday lunch instead of eating your packed lunch and then let that packed lunch sit in the fridge at work until Monday and then eat it on Monday.   

Just don't do it.  

I don't want to go into details. 

Trust me.  Just don't do it.  

But I will say this.  Soup Friday might become a tradition.  I just named it an official name.  Soup Friday.  So it must be on its way.  

Simply because I can't help it, here's one more piece of advice.  You can totally buy a quart of soup for real cheap and then split that quart with your friend.  What you get out of the deal is this.  Two bowls of soup.  Happy slurping.  

Oh shoot.  I have one more.  

Don't say things like this to people, "So...was that a dark beer or a light beer?"  After watching the person pour the beer into a clear glass.  It will make you look not smart to the people.  

Okay fine.  One more.  Then I'm done.  Cross my heart.

Don't go on an actual blind date.  The kind where you have never met or even seen a picture of or heard of or know someone who knows someone who knows the person to which you will sit across from and try to entertain for a chunk of your evening.  You should not do this because what will happen is you will end up huddled in the corner of a bathroom whispering into your phone.  And here's what you will whisper. 

"This is seriously the worst date ever.  I am waiting for the cameras to pop out.  The man is a high school drop out with frosted hair and bright white chunky tennies and he has a southern accent which is so strong I can't understand him sometimes and he has to repeat himself." 

Insert explanation so I do not look hoity-toity.  I am a teacher by trade.  Which means high school drop out who never went to get GED is not really acceptable in my book.  It has nothing to do with money or jay-oh-bee-sss...it has everything to do with the value of education to my teacher heart.  And if the whole not being alright with a man with frosted hair and bright white chunky tennies makes me sound hoity-toity, then so be it.  

My description of bad blind date man caused my phone-a-friend to laugh.  Then I continued with, "And when I say things, he doesn't get them.  I need someone who gets my things."

Really, this is the part that made the date the worst.  More than anything to do with hair styles or clothing choices or educational background, I am on the look out for someone who gets my things. 

It was the most hilarious and worst date ever.  So my new rule is this as far as dating.  I must at least do a little background check before.  Just a little one.  Not stalker style or anything because I do enjoy the shit out of meeting new people.  Usually. 

Now that I have changed your day with my advice giving, I leave you with this.

You can buy a skirt at Old Navy for two dollars and have it make your day.  Even though you had a bad run in with your lunch, it can still make your Monday the kind of day that makes your skirt fly up.

That was another piece of advice wasn't it?  Sorry.  I'm not good at following rules.  Apparently, even when I'm the one making them.