Why Not Make Every Day a Holiday?

On Wednesday morning of last week, I stood in the middle of my closet.  Trying to figure out what to wear.  Hoping for a sudden rush of inspiration.  I know clothes don't actually matter in this big thing called life, but I do enjoy coming up with different looks.  I also am a firm believer in the concept of putting your best foot forward.  And that includes how you present yourself.  Not because of what others think, but because of how it makes you feel.

So I stood there.   In my closet.  Waiting for the "BAM!  Wear that!" 

I saw the swimsuit cover up hanging there.  The one I had wore a few days before in the sunny Arizona sun.  I had a moment of wishing that weekend hadn't ended and wishing for sun on my face and wishing.  

In my non-productive standing around and wishing business, I realized I wanted to wear the darn thing again.  On February 1st.  In North Dakota.  I wanted to wear my swimsuit cover up to work. 

So I did.  Of course it would be highly inappropriate to wear it the way in which it was intended, but with some minor tweaks, it became school ready.

And I couldn't help but think of it like I tend to view many situations.  It's all what we make it.  With some creativity and a different perspective, we can change many circumstances we may not initially have control over into what we want them to be. 

During a couple of key conversations with my friends over the last few weeks, I've said, "Let's find the unicorns in this."  Usually this statement follows an unloading about something in our lives we are simply not feeling.  Whether it's a weekend road trip to see the in-laws with a baby in the backseat or a night of being alone without plans.  

"Let's find the unicorns in this.  Think of the hours you will spend with your husband in the car.  Just the two of you.  Without outside distractions."

The response my friend gave me after I said that was, "You're right.  I'm going to make this good.  I'm going to be happy to be with my husband and my son.  Maybe even throw in some double hearts too!"  

And I often say things like this to myself, "Take this time alone to become better.  Do some reading.  Do some writing.  Take some pictures.  Edit some pictures.  Clean out a closet.  Go for a run."  Because I need to find those unicorns in this time of my life.  Hopefully someday I will look back at this "me" time with fondness and wish for a moment of it back.  Hopefully someday I will be so busy with chasing kids and what not, I would give my left pinkie for just a few minutes of alone.  Yes, I hope those things and for now what I know is I will use this time, not wish it away.  Use this time to make myself better.  Every single day.   

Of course it always helps to wear every color of jewelry you own.  Always makes for a happy. 

Here's where I talk about the flip side of a unicorn for a bit...a donkey.  The not so fun stuff.  It was hard to come back from that little vacation with my mom.  Really hard.  I actually cried in a Target parking lot the last night in Arizona knowing I would fly home the next day and have to be alone.  Go from being surrounded with fun and my mom's loving to return to my empty house and be without someone to be in the same room as me.

Do I like to admit that I cried in a Target parking lot on a Saturday night while on vacation?  Of course not.  But it's a part of my story.  While sitting there, using a napkin to wipe the mascara from under my eyes, I looked over at my mom and said, "I'm sorry.  I'm sorry I'm crying on vacation.  I'm sorry I can't get it together right now.  I just need a minute.  I'll be fine.  I'm sorry."

She looked right at me and said, "You do what you need to do."

A fraction of me felt relieved after allowing myself to cry instead of trying to put on the I'm freaking happy face.  I walked into that Target with Momma Debi at my side and made the conscious decision to start changing the way I was feeling in that moment.  Made the decision to find the unicorns.  To find the happy.  To "let it be" while we shopped for sheets, pillows, and zebra print vanity stools.    

The next morning, we boarded the plane in the early hours of morning.  Reality facing time was imminent.  Every time I started to feel a squeeze in my chest, I literally told myself "let it be" and focused my thinking on something else.  Something I find joy in.  The unicorns.  The double hearts.  The glitter.  I thought about unpacking and organizing.  Thought about the dinner that was planned for later that week with one of my forever friends.  Thought about how blessed I am to have my family all near.  Thought about getting back to work and feeling productive.  I just made myself think about the good.  And used that good to forget about walking into my house and spending the rest of that day and evening alone.

It worked.  I let it be.  Momma Debi texted me later that afternoon, "How are you doing?"  I thought I'd need to do a little fibbing to make it seem like I was doing A-to-the-okay, but it turned out my response was honest.  I even surprised myself.  My response was, "I'm on the mend.  I can feel it.  I'm editing pictures and am so happy we shared that time together.  And I'm getting back to being good with just me."    

I have to come back from vacation.  Real life awaits.  That chair by the pool will sit empty.  It is sitting empty.  But I'm here.  I'm wearing a swimsuit cover up to work on a Wednesday in February in North Dakota.  I'm throwing glitter around in my life.  

I'm finding the unicorns and double hearts.  When I walked into work this morning, I found this on my desk.  I guess the message is getting out.  How can you not have a fantastic Tuesday when that's your morning greeting?