Operation Problem Fix NOW

Last night I ate Starbursts.  

Then I went to sleep.  

Then I woke up this morning and this ran through my head.  

Did you really eat Starbursts?  Where were you on that one?  You don't do that kind of thing.  They aren't even a food.  They are a colored blob of something, but not food.  

Then this ran through my head next.

You haven't ran since Saturday.  It's now Thursday.  Where were you on that one?  Sure you did the Jillian Michaels two times in between there, but that's not running.  

Then this ran through my head next next.  

You don't feel good.  Sluggish.  Tired.  

Then I did what I had to do.

I reached for my tube of mascara.  

That's the point I was at in my get ready routine.  And it happens to be that mascara is the favorite of mine.  It's like putting on the kick ass and take names badge for the day.  It's necessary for me to have enough on that it becomes hard to blink.  

While reaching for said tube of mascara magic, this ran through my head.

Yesterday you forgot to even put mascara on.  Which you didn't even realize until you arrived at work and used your back up supply you keep in your purse.  Where were you on that one?  You don't forget mascara.  That's like forgetting to put shoes on.  What is wrong with your brain?  Something.  Something is wrong with your brain.  Because you also woke up way later than normal yesterday and dropped the Kuerig water holder thing on your kitchen floor when it was full.  Plastic water bomb.  It was a plastic water bomb.  What is going on?  It's like you can't get.it.together. 

Then I tipped my head up and started mascara-ing.  And this ran through my head.

Your skin doesn't even look right.  It's weird looking.  Why is your skin goofy?  And why didn't you take any pictures last night at Brother's birthday dinner?  You didn't even bring your camera.  Where were you on that one?  You always bring your camera. 

Then I finished getting ready.  Quickly.  Because just like yesterday morning, I did not wake up early enough to enjoy the morning.  Which is a not favorable way for me to start the day.  Morning is my best friend.  And I missed her two days in a row.

While on the way to work, this ran through my head.  

You are not doing the things that make you YOU.  You are eating Starbursts.  You are not running.  You are waking up too late to embrace the morning.  You are not loving on your camera.  And your brain is reacting.  You are dropping things.  You are fidgety.  Your body is also reacting.  You feel sluggish.  You feel tired.  Your skin is weird.  You are weird.  Off.  Like you can't.get.it.together.   

If there is one thing I am, it's a problem fixer.  I am a fixer.  A do-er.  I am a full believer in...must tackle this now because there is no time to wait because there is no patience for waiting.  

So the rest of my day was spent with wheels spinning.  Spinning.  Spinning.  Thinking.  Thinking of ways to problem fix.  Sure it's only been a few days problem.  But I have worked way too hard to risk even the slightest slip.  A few days of feeling weird does not fly with me.  

Operation problem fix.  I'm on it.  

Sil, Sister Pister, and I made plans earlier in the week to have dinner together tonight.  We wanted some time to connect with each other.  Time to visit and laugh and share stories without distractions.  So we made it happen.  Scheduled an evening and went for it.

But first, I knew I needed to run.  Step one of operation fix it.  I knew I needed that time with music, breathing, and the pound of my feet.  I rushed home after work, threw layers of clothes on, stepped out my door, and ran.  I ran in the cold with the strong wind chilling me to the bone.  And as it always does, running released the tension of my thoughts.  They slowly unswirled and settled in right about the same time as my breathing settled in for the long haul.

Sister Pister was waiting for me when I walked back through my door and Sil arrived shortly after.  As I sat on my toilet backwards while Sister Pister curled my hair with Sil across the bathroom flipping through the pages of a magazine, my cheeks returned to normal color, my breath slowed to normal, my thoughts stayed settled, and all was right in the world.

Then we went out and had one of those times together that you dream about when you are young.  The kind of dream when you think about being an adult and meeting your sister and sister-in-law out and you all sit there and drink wine {except the little sister, I promise she didn't drink wine} and you laugh and you cry and you share stories and you dish about men and you just know that you are lucky.  Lucky to have those girls in your life.  Lucky to call them not only family, but friends.  Real friends.  It was one of those times.  Step two of operation fix it.

Now, here I sit.  Curled up on my couch with a quilt wrapped around me and a fire going next to me.  My alarm is already set to wake me up early.  Early so I can spend time with my best friend named morning.  Step three of operation fix it.

I simply won't put up with being off and feeling weird.  It just won't do.  Being stubborn can be a good thing.  It really can.