Different Kind of Valentine

So I woke up this morning and said Happy Valentine's Day to myself and then followed it right up with an I love you!  Because I really do believe in that whole mantra about not being able to love another until we love ourselves.  

Corny.

Nerdy.

Yes to both.  

I'm not the originator of that mantra.  Not at all.  There are books about loving yourself first.  There are magazine articles.  Blog posts.  Shoot, there are probably even pamphlets somewhere out there spouting about how to find love.  It's not original thinking to believe you must have a quality relationship with yourself before one with another human could ever possibly work.  It's not original, but right it is.  And here's my two cent take on it.

It simply doesn't make sense to think if we have issues with ourselves that we will ever be able to offer true love and support to another human.  It's like this.  No one else can make you happy.  Happiness is not defined by what happens on the outside around us...happiness is defined by what happens on the inside of us.  Within us.  No one else can fulfill us unless we are already filled to the brim with our own goodness.

Now, that's a whole lot easier to believe and to type than it is to put into motion...but it's an effort I make every single day.  I figure if I keep working on myself and my faults, then when that certain someone comes along, I'll be ready.  Ready to actually be one half of a healthy loving relationship.

Because all that will result from me grasping for someone simply because it's what I think I should have right now is negative, negative, and more negativity.  Settling is not an option for me.  Becoming desperate is not an option for me.  It's silly to even go down those roads.  I have myself.  And I'm pretty dang good company.  When I was running the other day, the song "God Gave Me You" by Blake Shelton came through my earphones and it hit me in a totally different way...God gave me ME for the ups and downs.  If I'm going to be honest, I also thought of the fact that I was given the gift of running somewhere along the way.  Because I'm certain my life would be in a totally different spot had I not taken those first few running steps.

I wonder if Blake thought that while he was writing the lyrics, "God gave me running for the ups and downs."  Hmmm...probably not.  But hopefully we all have something that saves us from ourselves.  Because we really are our harshest critics.        

I have read this letter written by John Steinbeck in several different spots over the last couple weeks.  It keeps showing up in the most random of places as if to say read me, read me!  And it makes sense to me now more than it ever would have before.  Steinbeck wrote it in response to his son Thom writing about his new love, Susan.  And it is beautiful.   

New York

November 10, 1958

Dear Thom:

We had your letter this morning.  I will answer it from my point of view and of course Elaine will from hers.  

First - if you are in love - that's a good thing - that's about the best thing that can happen to anyone.  Don't let anyone make it small or light to you.

Second - There are several kinds of love.  One is a selfish, mean, grasping, egotistical thing which uses love for self-importance.  This is the ugly and crippling kind.  The other is an outpouring of everything good in you - of kindness and consideration and respect - not only the social respect of manners but the greater respect which is recognition of another person as unique and valuable.  The first kind can make you sick and small and weak but the second can release in you strength and courage and goodness and even wisdom you didn't know you had.  

You say this is not puppy love.  If you feel so deeply - of course it isn't puppy love. 

But I don't think you were asking me what you feel.  You know better than anyone.  What you wanted me to help you with is what to do about it - and that I can tell you. 

Glory in it for one thing and be very glad and grateful for it. 

The object of love is the best and most beautiful.  Try to live up to it.  

If you love someone - there is no possible harm in saying so - only you must remember that some people are very shy and sometimes they saying must take that shyness into consideration.  

Girls have a way of knowing or feeling what you feel, but they usually like to hear it also.

It sometimes happens that what you feel is not returned for one reason or another - but that does not make your feeling less valuable and good.  

Lastly, I know your feeling because I have it and I'm glad you have it.  

We will be glad to meet Susan.  She will be very welcome.  But Elaine will make all such arrangements because that is her province and she will be very glad to.  She knows about love too and maybe she can give you more help than I can.  

And don't worry about losing.  If it is right, it happens.  The main thing is not to hurry.  Nothing good gets away.  

Love, 

Fa

The part that struck me was about his view on two different kinds of love.  I whole heartedly agree.  Love does not always equal good.  Sometimes it's necessary to look past love because you know it's what is necessary for your moral values and necessary for those unchangeable beliefs you have and necessary for the kind of life you want to lead.  Love does not always equal right.  That's worth saying again.  Love does not equal right.  And that is hard.  Really hard.  But apparently, people have been grappling with these thoughts since at least 1958 and I'd dare say since the beginning of time.  And you know what...

"The main thing is not to hurry.  Nothing good gets away."  

Steinbeck.  You kind of had it going on didn't you?  

So on this Valentine's Day, I say I love you to myself.