Last Saturday night, I drove out to the small town I'm from to make an appearance at the Sportsmen's Banquet.  I did not go for the wild game meal.  That is not my cup of tea.  But, I did go for the socializing because if you know anything about small towns, you know that something that involves the word banquet is probably going to draw a crowd.  Throw in some sportsmen and you have yourself a party.  

So, I show up to the banquet late and have been there literally five minutes when this guy comes up to me.  Now, this guy is not from the small town but I have visited with him once before...you need to know that right now. 

He says to me, "How does it feel to be the most beautiful girl here?"  

And, I say back to him, "Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha...you've had a few huh?  I haven't seen you for a long time.  How are you doing?"

Then he says, "I'm serious." And, proceeded to put his arm around me. 

Then I say with my finger pointed in his face, "Hey.  Hey.  Remember.  We are related."

After I reminded this guy that we are related, I thought to myself, "That's an interesting way to start the evening."  Then I went about my socializing. 
Later on in the night, this guy comes up to me again and he starts to visit with the table I'm sitting at.  I happened to be chatting with a different person so my back was turned.  When I turned back, my friend says to me, "Ummm.  That guy thinks you are pretty fabulous but he thinks you are way out of his league."  

Then I proclaim, rather exasperatingly with my hands flying every direction,  "This has nothing to do with me being out of his league.  Because let's be real.  I'm not out of anyone's league.  This has everything to do with the fact that WE ARE RELATED!!  We are related and apparently he.cannot.get.that.through.his.head."  

Fast forward another hour or so and this guy comes up to me again.  Puts his arm around me and starts in on his spiel.  I remind him once again, "Remember, we are related.  I don't know exactly how, but we are."  

To which he replies, "It's a long ways down the line isn't it?"

I'm going to pause the story to explain a couple of key items.  I am indeed related to the world.  This is what happens when both sides of your family have many, many children.  It's also what happens when one side of your family is one hundred percent Norwegian and the other side is one hundred percent German and they were original immigrants to this part of North Dakota.  It's hard to explain, but I really am related to a lot of people from this area.  So many that my one friend says I just might have to travel abroad to find a husband.  Also, being related to this many people means that often times, the younger generations can be out in social situations and run into people they've seen at family reunions but they are not quite sure on the lineage.  Usually, we just know that somewhere down the line, a great uncle here or great aunt there once shook hands or both of our great grandmas were cousins twice removed or something like that.  This sounds a bit redneck and maybe it is, but there's no funny business involved.  Alright, back to my story.

At that point, I decided it was time to really lay down the --I will not date my relatives-- speech because apparently I hadn't been clear before and said to this guy, "Alright, here's the deal.  Let me explain this to you.  Let's just say that we did end up dating and then we eventually ended up getting married.  Here's what would happen.  People would come to the wedding and the ushers would say who are you here for?  The bride or the groom?  Here's the kicker, the people could then say BOTH.  Do you see now that this is a little bit of an issue?"  

To which he replies, "Alright, I got you.  That would be weird."   


So, last Saturday night, I had to explain to a guy three times that we could not date because we are related.  

Which really makes me wonder a few things...

1.  Does this kind of stuff happen to anyone else?
2.  Any ideas of which country I should visit to find a husband?    
3.  Was I on candid camera and he forgot to say the whole part about being on candid camera?
4.  How much of a redneck am I?  
5.  Should I memorize the family tree all the way back to 1848 so I can be prepared for situations like this?
6.  Does this kind of stuff happen to anyone else?
7.  Was this all because I attended something called a Sportsmen's Banquet? 


Brittany Miller said...

OMG! Possibly one of my favorite stories from you EVER!!

And I LOVE the scrabble letters!

Tonya said...

Hilarious!! Understand completely being from a very large family also, one side 100% Norske, other side 100% stubborn Germans.
Your Answers:
1. Yes.
2. Probably Tanzania.
3. No, see #7.
4. Maybe a little, but be proud.
5. Something tells me you already have.
6. Yes...and yes.
7. Maybe, and just maybe because you're LOOKING GOOD! :)

And we have a saying in my family...give us 5 minutes, we either know you, or are related to you somehow.

Anonymous said...

He got one thing right though... you are a beautiful gal! He had a great line... I think you should move to San Diego to find your rich husband!!!! Seriously funny story!