Expensive Halloween Candy Debacle

"Hey, what are you doing right now?" asked my friend Karen last Wednesday night on one of our million phone conversations.  

"I'm just rolling into my driveway."  

"Let's go buy candy."

"What?  I'm not going to buy candy right now.  It's late.  I'm wearing sweatpants."

"Chris can watch the girls and I want to get it done."

"But I just got home and I need to get ready for tomorrow." 

"C'mon.  Let's go."

"No.  This is weird.  I'm not going to buy candy right now."  

I hung up the phone and walked into my house shaking my head.  But then I thought about my life for a minute and realized a few things.  One being I really did need to buy candy for the Halloween trick-o-treaters.  Two being I didn't actually feel like being home quite yet.  Three being I knew it would be adventure because anytime the two of us do anything, it becomes an adventure.   There was a buying potting soil incident at Menards one spring that will go down in the books. 

So I promptly called Karen back, "Yes.  Let's go buy candy.  Pick me up.  And I'm still wearing my sweatpants so you better not look cute."  

"I'm in sweats too.  Be there in ten."  

Off to Target we went.  On a candy run.  In our sweats.  Late at night.  We both are easily distracted and become over-stimulated at the snap of a finger...so standing in the Halloween candy aisle was nearly impossible.  I could not make up my mind about what candy I should buy to pass out to the little goblins.  I even asked the Target worker guy, "Why do you have so many choices?  I can't handle this."  

His answer, "So we can make more money off of people like you."

After taking even more time picking up a bag, putting it the cart, only to come around the corner and trade it out for a different bag, final candy decisions were made and we headed to the check-out.
  

I bought three bags of candy.  The big huge kind because my neighborhood turns into Leave it to Beaver Land on the night of Halloween.  The trick-o-treaters come out in hoards.  Old school style.   

My total was thirty-nine dollars and seventy-two cents.  Yes, you heard me right.  $39.72.  For three bags of candy.  

When we were putting the cart away, I stopped and stood and thought and said while holding my two target bags, "Ummm...let's think about this logically for a second.  I don't even like candy.  I don't even eat candy.  I don't even like candy.  I just spent forty dollars.  On candy.  That's like three new cute shirts.  I think I want to take this candy back.  Right now."  

Karen stared at me.  

I continued with, "I should give apples out or something like that." 

Karen stared at me.  And replied, "Yes Amy.  You should give apples out.  With razor blades.  Or maybe you should get a cat to put on your counter and make popcorn balls."  

"But for real.  That's a lot of money for freaking candy.  Maybe I should just not be home or something."  

"Right.  You can be the crabby lady who hides in her room while the little trick-o-treaters ring your doorbell.  Because that's really your style."  

"Fine.  I'm keeping the candy.  You're right."

We really did have that exact conversation while standing next to the carts at the entrance to Target.  I really did have total candy buyer's remorse and wanted so badly to take it back.  But without an excuse of somewhere to go on Halloween night, I knew I had to have candy.  Because like I said, my neighborhood equals Leave it to Beaver.   

While we were driving away from the Target, I turned to Karen and said, "Did you say 'Or you should get a cat and put it on your counter and make popcorn balls?'  Where do you come up with this stuff?"

Then we laughed.  Laughed because I wanted to take candy back immediately after buying it.  Laughed because Karen is ridiculous.  Laughed because we were buying candy in our sweatpants late at night.  Laughed because it took us a solid twenty-three minutes to even pick out the candy because we are that easily distracted.  Laughed because of cats on counters and popcorn balls and apples and razor blades.

Here is the best part of the whole Candy Buying Debacle of 2011.  My sister's volleyball team won their game on Friday so they are playing the late, late game at the district tournament tonight.  Which means, I won't be home for all of the trick-o-treaters.  Which means, I totally took back a bag of candy on Saturday morning and put the $15.49 back in my pocket.  Of course I picked the most spendy one to return.   

Take that expensive Halloween candy.  Remember, I don't even like you in the first place.

Before you start thinking I am some kind of holiday scrooge, I present you with this theme fashion statement.

I love holidays and all things holiday.  Just not spending money on candy.  

Happy Halloween to you and yours!  May you either have fun scoring candy from strangers with your own kids or passing out candy to other people's children.  Or maybe you are going to dress yourself up to go out and get a little wild.  Or maybe you'll have fun making popcorn balls with a cat on your counter.